Condescending Caress

These are the jaded cordialities of life, as Reina would discuss over menthol cigarettes, if she still smoked.

Fetty Wap, Future, and Rap Music These Days
Condescending Caress, Features

Fetty Wap, Future, and Rap Music These Days

When Reina thinks about Fetty, she tends to think about glaucoma and the witch from Big Fish with the glass eye. But apparently, fetty is slang for money and wap is a nod to Gucci Mane’s nickname Guwop except with an a, so what she should be thinking is money, Gucci, and Rémy Martin 1738 (because that’s apparently “the finest” liquor and why he says 1738, and his crew is called the Remy Boyz. Our boy Fetty is not only classy, but also clever.) He’s got, like, 5 songs on the charts right now, which is cool, but is everyone sure they understand what he is saying in his songs?

Arcade Fire, Hurdy Gurdys, and Other Life Mysteries
Condescending Caress, Features

Arcade Fire, Hurdy Gurdys, and Other Life Mysteries

Imagine, a meeting with Win and Will Butler: “Let’s make an orchestral indie rock band that has too many people, too many instruments, and is too complex for people to really understand.” “Maybe if we’re lucky, people will pretend to understand it like a Rothko painting or Kafka.” “And let’s throw a hurdy-gurdy into the mix, because people will have to look that up and it will raise our indie cred.” Possibly the only fucking explanation for Arcade Fire. They’re obviously a very talented band judging by the plethora of instruments on stage and Reina isn’t claiming otherwise. She just doesn’t “get” it, you know?

Going to Walmart, Listening to Pop and Other Acts of Irony
Condescending Caress, Features

Going to Walmart, Listening to Pop and Other Acts of Irony

Admitting you shop at Walmart is like saying you listen to Top 40 music or that you like The Twilight Saga. Like Edward Cullen and pop music, Walmart is made for mass consumption, so I guess it makes sense that it’s thought of as a consumeristic nightmare. Also, it makes sense because nothing sold at Walmart is local/organic/sustainable/artisan/gluten-free/vegan/etc. “Made-for-the-masses” is almost synonymous with uncool, isn’t it?

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