Features

It’s All Downhill From Here: Seven Secular Holiday Albums
Features, The Empathizer

It’s All Downhill From Here: Seven Secular Holiday Albums

You’ve got to go see your family sometimes. You’re not a monster. Even if you’re a monster, you’ve got other monsters you need to go see, once a year or so. Chances are, in a year like 2016, those other monsters are just as scared of you as you are of them. And, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, you’ll almost certainly have December 25th off from work, so you might as well end the year with the family.

The Water Is Warm But It’s Sending Me Shivers: MGMT’s “Kids”
Features, One Song One Story

The Water Is Warm But It’s Sending Me Shivers: MGMT’s “Kids”

On the corner of Broome and Delancey is a terrible two-part dive where terrible “print is dead!”start-up yuppies come to play pool terribly. The bartender writes terrible ebooks by day and always has the Spotify Radio for The Black Keys turned on, for he believes curating playlists is a “terrible waste of time.” Tonight they’re playing that tired MGMT song that probably wasn’t too terrible to begin with but is ruined forever by Urban Outfitters and overplay at bars just like this one.

Bruno Mars’ 24k Magic, or How Peter Gene Got His Groove Back
Albums, Features

Bruno Mars’ 24k Magic, or How Peter Gene Got His Groove Back

Sometimes I forget that Bruno Mars is not a real name, the same way that I forget that he sang “Nothin’ on You” or that B.o.B. still makes music. Peter Gene Hernandez has come a long way since his humble but banal as fuck, fedora-wearing, piano-crooning days. He’s graduated from flannels and pompadours to cuban links and designer minks, and a brand new “player” persona.

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