We Ranked Carly Rae Jepsen’s (Music Video) Love Interests

We love Carly. We just want her to have the best.

5. This American Apparel Bro With A NOFX/Black Flag/Minor Threat Monogrammed Leather Jacket

tonight i'm getting over you

What would Fat Mike say? Does he even know who Fat Mike is??

This bro in basic punk’s clothing from “Tonight I’m Getting Over You” sleeps in everyday and takes Carly to dates at the supermarket. Ugh. Just no. Please burn this jacket after you dump him, Carly.


Go back to playing a smug, pasty vampire, please.

4. The Scenester Who BAWLS In Couple’s Therapy


There’s “being in touch with your feelings” and then there’s “crying because she made you cancel your AP subscription.”

It’s always a plus when a guy plays guitar. But this scene man-child from “Sour Candy” is not sensitive; he’s a passive aggressive hot mess.


Just look at him. No.

3. Cute Guy At Party Mistaken For Harry Styles



Her choice is understandable. She mistook this guy from “This Kiss” as Harry Styles. It could happen to anyone.


Honest mistake. Next time, just check for the paper plane necklace.

2. This Really Hot Guy With Really Bad Tattoos


A body that tests the limits of the sky.

No ragrets here. We’d have forgiven this gorgeous man from “Call Me Maybe” his awful tattoos if he weren’t gay. Carly just keeps falling for the wrong guys!


Tfw your dreamboat looks hot even in a synthetic wig, playing a count/dracula.

1. Adoring Boyfriend Who Smokes Cigars AND Cooks Breakfast



Carly, quit being paranoid, this indie boy from “Tug of War” is not cheating on you, gambling or “screwing” around. Take him back.


GQ on the streets, indie in the sheets.

Honorary mention:


Tom Hanks took too long. She closed her eyes and slept for years.

March 25, 2016

About Author

Gauraa Shekhar Gauraa is a freelance writer who divides her time between New York, Jakarta and Mumbai. She founded The Sympathizer because she was sick of having editors reprimand her for ending sentences with prepositions and charging songs guilty of being "as contagious as cholera in a sewer pipe." She is currently working on her first book.

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